Ellipses

"Ellipses represent something lost; unknown to mankind. Only to be guessed at..."
--Jim Blow

Ellipses trail off...

The dot...dot...dot...that piques curiosity, and hints to readers that something is not being said.

Something has silenced the speaker.

Ellipses evoke emotion. The character has learned something that has caused his lips to stop forming language.

They can show speechlessness, when they stand alone in quotations, unaccompanied by any other words or symbols.

So what to do about Ellipses...?

They lose information and cost understanding...

An idea...

A thought...

A dream....

Ellipses. Coming soon....

FORTUITOUS FRUITS

Why is it kids won't eat their fruits and veggies? We'll answer one of those right now!
Welcome to English coming at you live with Jim Blow.
Today we'll look into the phenomenon that is: Why kids won't eat their fruits.

Fruits are hard to eat! They taste dandy and all, but they're so much work!
Lets look at 4 specifically.

The banana: Always bruised and mushy! And seriously, that peel? If it doesn't open first try, it's going back on the shelf. And what's this cabooti about it opening better bottoms up? Honestly. Way too much work to differentiate one end from the other, deal with wiggling it open, and then smoosh it between your fingers. Gross.

The orange: The peel takes an hour to penetrate, and for what? Mom asks why the orange is sitting there half peeled, and uneaten. I'll tell you why. I got bored. The orange takes too much valuable time for a very little amount of profit.

The pomegranate: Yum! I love this fruit so much, but only if I don't have to peel it! Similar to the orange (except the peel is bigger!) Grrr! And if this problem isn't enough, how do you eat it? There are so many ways. You can eat it like an orange, spoon it into a bowl, eat it like a melon, or whatever. That's a lot of thinking to try to figure out how to eat it, after laboriously opening it.

The berry: Rasberries, Blackberries, Strawberries. Solid. Straight off the vine. The only problem here is the long hours walking the rows to pick them all, and you still don't actually get them all. Then there's the ones in the dirt. (tear). And after you have to decide to freeze, jam, fresh, or whatever.

That's why we don't eat fruits, mom.
Thanks

Publish1

Hey-O! I published my first book, and you can buy it--please support Jim in buying it--at either of these locations.

Heroes in Odd Places is out and about.

Go to amazon and search for it, or click on this link. It is also available on Smashwords.com

http://www.amazon.com/Seven-Kingdoms-Heroes-Odd-Places-ebook/dp/B01806MPH6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1449195148&sr=8-1&keywords=heroes+in+odd+places

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_2?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=heroes+in+odd+places

The first chapter is free, and after that the rest of the book is yours forever for only 3$

Converse

Converse.
And I don't mean the shoe kind.

Tell me your favorite post and give me your ideas and feedback at

jimblow@unsinkable2.com

and look forward to the next blog post: FRUITS, and why kids just don't like them.

Typewriter, Man

This week I got a phone call from this Jamaican fella.

What happens when Jim Blow gets a Bunk Call?

Me: "Hello?"

Him: "Yes, hello Man."

"How can I help you?"

"I call about computer."

"Pardon?"

"The Microsoft, Man. It is bugged."

"How do you mean?"

"Your Microsoft is doing da stuff without the knowing of you, man."

"I don't think so."

"What?"

"You see, I have a typewriter."

"You have da what, man?"

"A typewriter. I don't think it has Microsoft on it."

"No! I'm not talking about your typewriter, man. I'm talking about--"

"Actually, I don't think my typewriter even has internet connection..."

"Eh? What? No! Man, I talk about da computer and da problems."

"My typewriter is just fine thanks."

And then he hung up.

Ace and Stuart 7

Adventure Seven: The magician from Quest to Ingredient Three

“Look Master Ace, a space station!”

“Of course there’s a space station Stuart! I totally knew it was there this whole time.”

“How could you know? We’re on another planet!”

“Don’t question me Stuart! Just get out of the golf cart and follow me.”

“Okay, Sir.”

“There’s a rocket inside that station.”

“I’ve never driven a rocket before!”

“And as long as I live, you never will.”

“But it’s on my bucket list!”

“You actually keep a bucket list, Stuart? That is so lame.”

“Being your stooge is on my bucket list. I checked it off six adventures ago.”

“I’m going to pretend you never mentioned this bucket list.”

“Master Ace,”

“What is it Stuart?”

“I have a bucket list.”

“Stuart! I just said to forget all about it.”

“No, you said that you forgot about it. So I’m reminding you.”

“Why do you have to be so incompetent, Stuart?”

“I am not! I was just trying to remind you, because you forgot.”

“I don’t forget things, Stuart. I am a Master. Some things--”

“But you just said you were going to forget about my bucket list.”

“Don’t interrupt me! Get inside the rocket.”

“Sorry Master Ace. Want me to help you up?”

“No, just make your way to the cockpit, I’m going to launch this baby.”

“Silly Ace, this is a rocket not a baby!”

“That’s not what I meant, Stuart!”

“Then why’d you say it?”

“Stuart, I am so not in the mood for these games of yours.”

“Oh, this isn’t a game, Master Ace.”

“Forget about it. Grab that for me will you.”

“Monopoly is a game. I always lose when I play against you, though.”

“I cheat. Push that button. We’re out of here.”

“Operation is a game too, but it’s so loud!”

“Remind me never to let you operate on me. We have take off!”

“Clue just takes forever.”

“Stuart, are you going to keep talking, or are you going to help me fly this rocket.”

“Fly the rocket! That’s on my bucket list!”

“I know, you mentioned that already, Stuart.”

“Just making sure you didn’t forget again, Master Ace.”

“Now, where are we going to find that Thaumaturge?”

“You mean the magician?”

“Yes, Stuart, I mean the magician. Geez.”

“Then why didn’t you just say magician?”

“I asked him the same question. Now answer mine. Where is he?”

“There’s a big sign next to that deathstar. It says the magician is there.”

“That’s no deathstar. It’s a moon!”

“Wait a minute Ace, I think we said that backwards.”

“You’re right. Do you want to try again?”

“Yes please. I’ll start. Ahem. There’s a sign by the cantelope.”

“You’re done. Fly us over to the cantelope.”

“You mean deathstar?”

“No, I mean moon. Leave me alone Stuart!”

“Heh heh. Sorry.”

“Great we landed. I always hate travelling through space. It makes me hungry for pandas.”

“Do you think this could be a trap?”

“It’s most certainly a trap, Stuart! How stupid do you think I am?”

“If it’s a trap, why are we going in?”

“Oh. I didn’t think that far ahead...”

“Master Ace, look!”

“Not more cookies!”

“No, it’s the magician.”

“I knew that. Hand me a magic wand. I’ve always wanted to duel.”

“I don’t have a wand!”

“Stuart, why don’t you have a wand?”

“Because I wanted to see what would happen if I threw something out the rocket window.”

“So you through a magic wand!?”

“Well, yeah! What else would I throw? A fake wand?”

“Nevermind, we will discuss this later.”

“So, Ace, how do we defeat a wizard?”

“Do you have anything in your pockets that could help us?”

“I don’t know off the top of my head. Oh wait, I have a banana!”

“Does it have magical properties, Stuart?”

“No, that’s stupid. It’s a banana.”

“Then why did you say it could help?”

“I’m hungry.”

“I’m going to try talking to the wizard.”

“Should I open my banana from the bottom? or the top?”

“Magician! I, Master Ace, call on you. Answer my questions!”

“Hello Ace! I am the great thaumaturge!”

“Why did you erase our memories?”

“For fun.”

“Why would...wait. For fun? That’s stupid!”

“What. Did you expect it to be for some extravagant reason?”

“Yes, actually.”

“Oh. So this climax is a little lame, then, huh?”

“Pretty much. I can’t believe a magic-wielder like yourself did this for kicks and giggles.”

“Gottcha Ace! I didn’t do it for fun! I was kidding.”

“Oh. That’s really dumb. Well, what did you do it for, then?”

“You went on a Quest, to a kingdom, fought a dragon, and killed me.”

“If you died, how are you here?”

“I’m magic, duh.”

“Okay... ”

“Well Ace, I didn’t want you to remember the pleasure of killing me.”

“You are definitely the worst villain I’ve ever come up against.”

“Ouch. Really? The worst?”

“Yeah, the worst badguy I have ever come up against.”

“You don’t mean that, Ace.”

“I don’t? Yeah I do.”

“I am all powerful! I’m so cool! Say I’m cool!”

“I don’t lie, sorry.”

“Ace, I hereby banish you back in time!”

“You can do that?”

“Oh yeah. I can do that.”

“Where are you sending me?”

“I’m sending you and Stuart back in time to your very first adventure!”

“So what?”

“I’m going to kill your old selves. This you will never exist.”

“What!?”

“How bad am I now, Ace?”

Ace & Stuart 6

Adventure Six: ACE AND STUART RIDE AGAIN In…

Ace & Stuart

vs

Cookies from planet Milk

“Master Ace? Is that you?”

“Stuart, you have eyes, what do you think?”

“Sorry, Ace.”

“Stuart, I have a new job for you.”

“Really! Thanks so much Ace! I will treasure up this calling until--”

“Stuart! You don’t get to talk redundantly, remember?”

“Sorry, Ace. What’s my new job?”

“Navigator! Congratulations.”

“Awesome!”

“Well? Where are we?”

“Oh, that’s what navigator means.”

“Oh dear, Stuart. Now please, where are we?”

“I don’t even remember how we got here Ace!”

“Neither do I. Last I remember we were visiting my mother...”

“Me, too! That’s so strange.”

“There’s only one answer to this problem.”

“Just one, Ace?”

“Somebody has wiped our memory!”

“Our memory? But Master Master Ace, what will we do?”

“Don’t Call Me That! You know never to use my full name!”

“Sorry, Master, I guess I’m just a little worked up. I mean, we don’t know what happened to us!”

“Stop talking.”

“But don’t you see? It’s all so stran--”

“Quiet! Stuart, did you feel that?”

“Feel what?”

“The ground just moved.”

“Master Ace, will you hold my hand?”

“Of course not.”

“I’m scared.”

“Man up Stuart. I’m trying to observe.”

“Oh good. We’ll be out of here in no time. You have the best observation skills in--”

“Stuart, we aren’t on our home world.”

“What do you mean we--”

“Look at the ground. It’s grey!”

“Gak!”

“Stuart! What have I told you about using real words?”

“Sorry Master Ace, it’s just...this is a different planet!”

“Stuart, do you see that face appearing in the clouds?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m going to try to communicate with it. I want you to stop talking.”

“Okay, Master Ace, good luck.”

“Hello face in the clouds! Who are you?”

“Don’t you remember me Ace?”

“No, not you!”

“Yes, me. Hahaha.”

“The magician from our Quest to Ingredient Three!”

“I told you I’d find you Ace. There will be no adventurers!”

“I might not have fully believed you...”

“Believe me now, Master Ace!”

“Okay. What do you want?”

“I’ve erased your memory of all events that occurred in the last month.”

“Why? What happened you would care so much for us to forget?”

“If I wanted you to know that, I wouldn’t have erased your memory.”

“Magician, so help me!”

“I’ve transported you here to this planet. I, of course, am not on it.”

“Then where are you?”

“Ah Master Ace, you should not be worrying about me.”

“And why’s that?”

“I suppose because you should be worrying about the natives that are standing right behind you.”

“Natives? We’re on a foreign planet!”

“And those are the foreigners. Ta-ta Master Ace.”

“Ta-ta. I mean, wait. Stuart, what’s he talking about?”

“Well Master Ace, I think he aims to kill us.”

“Or does he? And my fine stooge, what was he talking about. Something about natives?”

“Oh. He’s probably referring to the aliens right behind us.”

“Aliens? What are you talking about?”

“Well Master Ace, they look like cookies. But I doubt they’re edible.”

“Cookies? Stuart, if you don’t start making sense, I’m going to--”

“Please don’t! I was just talking about the space cookies behind us.”

“Gak! Space Cookies! Stuart, why didn’t you just say there were angry cookies behind us.”

“Because that sounded stupid, Sir.”

“Nevermind, we’ll argue this later.”

“Fine with me. What are we doing right now?”

“Running! This is not how I die!”

“And how do you die, Master Ace?”

“Ugh. Probably of stupid questions posed by my blasted stooge.”

“You have another stooge?”

“Stuart, I was talking about you.”

“Oh. Oh!”

“Keep running Stuart, the cookie people are gaining on us.”

“We can’t just run forever!”

“Right. First, kill the cookies, then we find the magician, thus getting our memories back.”

“Okay Master Ace. How do we do either of those things?”

“One thing at a time, Stuart. Knock it off.”

“Sorry. One thing at a time. How do we kill the cookies?”

“Don’t pester me Stuart, just keep running.”

“Do you have a plan?”

“Yes. And it’s fool-guaranteed.”

“We’re saved! And don’t you mean fool proof?”

“No, because the plan requires a fool.”

“Are you just assuming one of the cookies is a fool?”

“No Stuart, I don’t know if any of the cookies are fools.”

“Then where are we going to find a fool to help your plan?”

“I’m talking to one right now.”

“That doesn’t make sense, though, Master Ace, because you’re talking to me.”

“Bing Bing Bing Bing!”

“Ouch. That hurt Master Ace.”

“Stuart, you don’t get to feel offended.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re a stooge.”

“Oh. I guess I missed that in the Job Description.”

“What are you talking about?”

“When I took this job I read the Job Description for it a hundred times.”

“So what Stuart, I couldn’t care less about your reading habits.”

“I read it so many times. How did I miss that part about offense?”

“We don’t have time for this! And by the way, it was under the Terms and Conditions.”

“That explains it.”

“Now, to deal with these cookies.”

“Via the fool. What’s the plan?”

“Do you have a gun in your pocket?”

“Never! That could hurt someone!”

“Great! Then how are we going to kill these?”

“I have milk.”

“You have a cup of milk in your pocket?”

“A cup? I don’t have a cup of milk.”

“What? Stuart, you just said that you had milk in your pocket.”

“Yeah, a gallon of it.”

“You have a gallon of milk in your pocket?”

“Technically two.”

“And how is milk going to help us defeat a cookie army?”

“I don’t know. We could eat them, or crumble them in milk.”

“I have a better idea. Lets eat them.”

“I just said--”

“Quiet Stuart, when I say a good idea, don’t talk for a moment. It gives my idea better effect.”

“Terms and Conditions again? Sorry, Sir. Here’s the milk.”

“Thanks. I hope you’re hungry.”

“Actually, I’m not really.”

“Stuart, it’s an order. You’re hungry now.”

“Well when you’re hungry, you’re hungry, right?”

“Affirmative, stop running. About face. Attack!”

“Attacking, Sir!”

“Great, this one is snickerdoodle!”

“Mmm, and this is chocolate chip!”

“Stuart, that’s not chocolate chip.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nevermind. Let’s just get off this stupid planet.”

“Okay. Lead the way boss.”

“Give me a space rover.”

“I don’t have a space rover!”

“What do you have? I’m not walking anymore Stuart.”

“Here’s a golf cart...”

“I’ll drive. Jump in! Stuart, you are navigator again.”

“That means I’m in charge of the music, right?”

“Stuart, how many times do I have to tell you what navigator means?”

“I don’t know, Ace. I’m not very good at these guessing games.”

“No, it’s not. Nevermind. Just give me directions.”

“I can do that! Where do you want directions to?”

“Some way off this rock.”

Stars and Darkness

There are those who see Stars, and those who see the Darkness between them.

--Jim Blow

There is so much to see in the world. And there is opposition in all things.

People can look up into the night sky and see so much. Although the quote above depicts two options: Stars or Darkness, this is actually just a Black & White Fallacy. There are more kinds of people!

Including, and not limited to:

Star-gazer: Someone who sees the good. They look up into the night sky and feel good. The longer they look at the goodness of the light, the longer they want to be in it, and the more stars they can observe in the sky. They know the goodness of the light of the stars goes on virtually forever.

Darkness: Someone who sees the bad. They look up into the night sky and find themselves full of hate. The longer they look at the evil in darkness, the more they feel used to it. It becomes their focal point. The stars irritate them, because it is ever-reminding them of what they don't have. They know the evil in darkness, and use excuses like pollution of human-error to explain why they don't see the good in the light.

SEE THE STARS!

Creator

What's better than being the knight, wizard, or hero?

I’m better than the fabular knight, fictitious wizard, or fabricated hero.

Why be dubbed knight, if you can bestow the status yourself.

Why learn magic if you can teach it.

Why save the day if you can be the one to make it.

Writers hold so much power. They control who lives and who dies.

It's up to them if a character builds or destroys.

They choose the beginning and the outcome.

What's better than being the knight, wizard, or hero, is being the one who Creates them.

I'm better than the fabular knight, fictitious wizard, or fabricated hero, because I'm the one the put the sword, wand, or task in their hand.

Blank Pages

"Tomorrow is a New Blank Page, Write something Worthwhile on it."
--Jim Blow

You have the quill.
The capability to fill your day's page.
What will you write? What will happen on your adventure?
Will you let something unfortunate happen to you? Are you writing an event into your day that will not be in correlation with how you want to be?
Are you going to develop a beneficial circumstance? In obstacles created by the effect of your cause, will you write a success or defeat into the after-math?
Who is the Hero or Protagonist that enters your life? Is there a Villain or Antagonist that follows? And will this conflict be resolved, or snowball?
Where are you going? Where have you been? Where are you now?
There's so much you can do in a day. Write it well. Make sure you achieve the desired outcome.
You have the quill.
The capability to fill your day's page.

Peter PUN

Author's Note: All but one I came up with myself.


I'm Hook-ed on peter pan jokes.


Why does Peter Pan always fly?

because he neverlands.


What distracted Peter Pan while he was fighting?

It was Wendy.


Why doesn't Hook like basketball?

Because he's always racing against the clock.


What did the Lost Boys do when it was time to eat?

They rang the Tinker Bell.


What did Peter Pan do when someone was following him?

Chased his shadow.


These jokes just never get old.

Adventure of Timo

Timo is a fictional character created and owned by Jim Blow. He is an infant who is wiser than most adults.

Timo looked upward, clenching and unclenching his tiny prepubescent hands. That was it! The horrible mechanical monster had bested him for the last time. Timo was sick and tired of the rectangular box eating all of his bread. The horrible machine sucked up his bread and then refused to return it for several minutes. Finally, Timo would wack it with his wooden spoon, and the horrible creature would spit his bread out, but the bread would often be black, or solid. That wouldn't do, Timo preferred his bread to be soft and chewable for his three tiny teeth.

The young child glared at his reflection in the metallic box. It had eaten his breakfast for the last time. Timo tightened the blanket cape that hung around his neck, and gave his space goggles a tightening--though they still were too big for him. With that, Timo grabbed his wooden spoon, and launched himself onto the counter.

With one large swoosh, Timo wacked the bread-eating monster with his spoon. The creature gave a horrible groaning noise, before keeling over, falling from the counter top. Its tail shot sparks as it went. When the monster landed on the floor, it squealed and launched Timo's bread out, coughing up a large cloud of smoke.

Timo had won!

Just then Timo's mom walked in. "Timo!" his mom shrieked, pointing at the beast. "Did you kill that?"

Timo nodded proudly. His mom just frowned. "Darn it Timo! Now I have to get another one!"

That didn't make sense, who would want a new monster? When one is slain, the people should be happy, not upset. This was out of the normal. His mom must be one of the alien fiends!

Timo's mom pulled out her phone. "Honey? Yeah, we need to buy a new toaster."

Robin Williams

"You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it."

--Robin Williams

Sparks are extremely fragile things. These "sparks of madness" come from the giant fireball of creativity. WHEN this spark lands on you, take care. This spark may hurt a little--it's fire, after all--but that can't deride you from your dreams. If you take off when your park comes, it will go out without your nourishment. When this tiny flame hits you, don't douse it in water! Your creativity will go with it.

We're surrounded by people who have lost their sparks over time. Don't be one of those people! You must raise your spark. Be fun! Don't let excitement come to you, it might not come! Go find those opportunities, and get your dream. Find your spark!

Then, when you have the spark, keep it. Work on it. Raise it to a roaring fire. Once your flame is great, you will be too.

Your spark is out there, and so are you.

Out Of Order

What's the Opposite of "Out of Order"?

A work of wonder by Jim Blow

• Out of Order
• Opposite of Out is In
• Of has no opposite or equal, so it is removed from this equation
• Order's counterpart is chaos
• In conclusion, the opposite of "Out of Order" is "In Chaos"
• These opposites are actually somewhat synonyms!

Mind=BLOW-N

Strength in Humor

Look Strong where you are, Be Strong where you aren't. Keep everyone guessing.

--Jim Blow

There is a fixed amount of happiness in the world. Therefore, the only way to gain happiness is to take it by force. I use all the happiness up. :)

--JaKath

Tomorrow is a new blank page. Write something worthwhile on it. Revisions are hard to do. So do it write the first time.

--Jim Blow

When in doubt...die! ...or press the circle button.

--M&S

A writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people.

--Thomas Mann