Converse

Converse.
And I don't mean the shoe kind.

Tell me your favorite post and give me your ideas and feedback at

jimblow@unsinkable2.com

and look forward to the next blog post: FRUITS, and why kids just don't like them.

Typewriter, Man

This week I got a phone call from this Jamaican fella.

What happens when Jim Blow gets a Bunk Call?

Me: "Hello?"

Him: "Yes, hello Man."

"How can I help you?"

"I call about computer."

"Pardon?"

"The Microsoft, Man. It is bugged."

"How do you mean?"

"Your Microsoft is doing da stuff without the knowing of you, man."

"I don't think so."

"What?"

"You see, I have a typewriter."

"You have da what, man?"

"A typewriter. I don't think it has Microsoft on it."

"No! I'm not talking about your typewriter, man. I'm talking about--"

"Actually, I don't think my typewriter even has internet connection..."

"Eh? What? No! Man, I talk about da computer and da problems."

"My typewriter is just fine thanks."

And then he hung up.

Ace and Stuart 7

Adventure Seven: The magician from Quest to Ingredient Three

“Look Master Ace, a space station!”

“Of course there’s a space station Stuart! I totally knew it was there this whole time.”

“How could you know? We’re on another planet!”

“Don’t question me Stuart! Just get out of the golf cart and follow me.”

“Okay, Sir.”

“There’s a rocket inside that station.”

“I’ve never driven a rocket before!”

“And as long as I live, you never will.”

“But it’s on my bucket list!”

“You actually keep a bucket list, Stuart? That is so lame.”

“Being your stooge is on my bucket list. I checked it off six adventures ago.”

“I’m going to pretend you never mentioned this bucket list.”

“Master Ace,”

“What is it Stuart?”

“I have a bucket list.”

“Stuart! I just said to forget all about it.”

“No, you said that you forgot about it. So I’m reminding you.”

“Why do you have to be so incompetent, Stuart?”

“I am not! I was just trying to remind you, because you forgot.”

“I don’t forget things, Stuart. I am a Master. Some things--”

“But you just said you were going to forget about my bucket list.”

“Don’t interrupt me! Get inside the rocket.”

“Sorry Master Ace. Want me to help you up?”

“No, just make your way to the cockpit, I’m going to launch this baby.”

“Silly Ace, this is a rocket not a baby!”

“That’s not what I meant, Stuart!”

“Then why’d you say it?”

“Stuart, I am so not in the mood for these games of yours.”

“Oh, this isn’t a game, Master Ace.”

“Forget about it. Grab that for me will you.”

“Monopoly is a game. I always lose when I play against you, though.”

“I cheat. Push that button. We’re out of here.”

“Operation is a game too, but it’s so loud!”

“Remind me never to let you operate on me. We have take off!”

“Clue just takes forever.”

“Stuart, are you going to keep talking, or are you going to help me fly this rocket.”

“Fly the rocket! That’s on my bucket list!”

“I know, you mentioned that already, Stuart.”

“Just making sure you didn’t forget again, Master Ace.”

“Now, where are we going to find that Thaumaturge?”

“You mean the magician?”

“Yes, Stuart, I mean the magician. Geez.”

“Then why didn’t you just say magician?”

“I asked him the same question. Now answer mine. Where is he?”

“There’s a big sign next to that deathstar. It says the magician is there.”

“That’s no deathstar. It’s a moon!”

“Wait a minute Ace, I think we said that backwards.”

“You’re right. Do you want to try again?”

“Yes please. I’ll start. Ahem. There’s a sign by the cantelope.”

“You’re done. Fly us over to the cantelope.”

“You mean deathstar?”

“No, I mean moon. Leave me alone Stuart!”

“Heh heh. Sorry.”

“Great we landed. I always hate travelling through space. It makes me hungry for pandas.”

“Do you think this could be a trap?”

“It’s most certainly a trap, Stuart! How stupid do you think I am?”

“If it’s a trap, why are we going in?”

“Oh. I didn’t think that far ahead...”

“Master Ace, look!”

“Not more cookies!”

“No, it’s the magician.”

“I knew that. Hand me a magic wand. I’ve always wanted to duel.”

“I don’t have a wand!”

“Stuart, why don’t you have a wand?”

“Because I wanted to see what would happen if I threw something out the rocket window.”

“So you through a magic wand!?”

“Well, yeah! What else would I throw? A fake wand?”

“Nevermind, we will discuss this later.”

“So, Ace, how do we defeat a wizard?”

“Do you have anything in your pockets that could help us?”

“I don’t know off the top of my head. Oh wait, I have a banana!”

“Does it have magical properties, Stuart?”

“No, that’s stupid. It’s a banana.”

“Then why did you say it could help?”

“I’m hungry.”

“I’m going to try talking to the wizard.”

“Should I open my banana from the bottom? or the top?”

“Magician! I, Master Ace, call on you. Answer my questions!”

“Hello Ace! I am the great thaumaturge!”

“Why did you erase our memories?”

“For fun.”

“Why would...wait. For fun? That’s stupid!”

“What. Did you expect it to be for some extravagant reason?”

“Yes, actually.”

“Oh. So this climax is a little lame, then, huh?”

“Pretty much. I can’t believe a magic-wielder like yourself did this for kicks and giggles.”

“Gottcha Ace! I didn’t do it for fun! I was kidding.”

“Oh. That’s really dumb. Well, what did you do it for, then?”

“You went on a Quest, to a kingdom, fought a dragon, and killed me.”

“If you died, how are you here?”

“I’m magic, duh.”

“Okay... ”

“Well Ace, I didn’t want you to remember the pleasure of killing me.”

“You are definitely the worst villain I’ve ever come up against.”

“Ouch. Really? The worst?”

“Yeah, the worst badguy I have ever come up against.”

“You don’t mean that, Ace.”

“I don’t? Yeah I do.”

“I am all powerful! I’m so cool! Say I’m cool!”

“I don’t lie, sorry.”

“Ace, I hereby banish you back in time!”

“You can do that?”

“Oh yeah. I can do that.”

“Where are you sending me?”

“I’m sending you and Stuart back in time to your very first adventure!”

“So what?”

“I’m going to kill your old selves. This you will never exist.”

“What!?”

“How bad am I now, Ace?”