Monday, January 16, 2017

Latter Ladders

All right Stuart, do you want the ladder or the rope?
I'll have the latter, Ace.
Here's the ladder.
No, I want the latter of the two.
What? I gave you the ladder of the two. I'll carry the rope.
Well I want the rope!
Then why did you ask for the ladder?
I didn't! I asked for the latter.
No, you just asked for the rope!
Because the rope is the latter!
No, the ladder is the ladder!
What are you talking about Master Ace!?
Listen, it's very simple Stuart. This here's a ladder and this is the rope.
Okay, got it.
So do you want the ladder or the rope?
I'll have the latter.
All right, then. Here's the ladder.
But I wanted the rope!
Then why'd you ask for the ladder?
I didn't, I asked for the latter!
That's what I said!
No, you said ladder!
That's right. Now then, position the ladder right there.
Why I oughta--
Good. Now we'll each climb up.
Do you want to climb the ladder or the rope, Stuart?
I'll climb the latter.
Very well then, I'll climb the rope.
What are you doing that for! I said I wanted to climb the rope!
No, you said you wanted to climb the ladder!
Exactly. So I'm going to climb the rope.
No, I am!
Fine, you climb the rope and I'll climb the ladder.
All right, do you want to pack the ladder out of here, or the rope?
I'll carry the latter.
You sure? It's heavier.
What are you talking about? The latter's way lighter than the ladder.
What? the ladder weighs the exact same as the ladder!
Hey, what are you talking about?
Ugh. Ok, do you want the ladder or the rope? We need to get out of here.
I'll take the latter.
Are you sure? It weighs more.
No, the rope weighs less.
That's what I'm saying.
Gak! Master Ace. I'll take the rope.
Thought you wanted the ladder.
I do want the latter, that's why I'm taking the rope.
If you want the ladder then take the ladder.
But I don't want the ladder.
Then why do you keep asking for it!?
I don't! I keep asking you to hand the rope.
Well here's the rope.
Thank you. Was it that hard to give me the latter?
Now wait a minute, I didn't give you the ladder.
Yes you did, I'm holding it right here!
That's the rope.
I know!
All right, are you happy with the rope?
Yes. I asked for the latter and I got the latter didn't I? Why wouldn't I be happy?
Because that's the rope! You asked for the ladder and got the rope!
But I didn't want the ladder, I wanted the rope.
Okay, well you have the rope.
Yes I do.
Then what'd you go asking for the ladder for?
I never asked for the ladder, I asked for the rope.
What do you mean you never asked for the ladder? You asked for it a million times!
No, I asked for the latter--
That's what I'm saying!
And I got the latter.
That's the rope!!
I know this is the rope!
Then why did you ever call it a ladder?
I never called the rope a ladder! That would be stupid.
I know! But you keep doing it anyway.
Keep doing what?
Asking for the ladder.
Of course I keep asking for the latter! I want the rope don't I?
If you want the rope, then why do you ask for the ladder?
Because the latter is the rope! I keep trying to tell ya.
The ladder is not the rope! I keep trying to tell ya!
I know the ladder isn't the rope! That's why I asked for the latter instead of the ladder!
Why on earth would you want a ladder instead of a ladder!?
I don't want the ladder instead of the ladder, I want the rope instead of the ladder!
Then why keep asking me to give you the ladder?
I didn't, I asked for the rope.
Gak! Nevermind. You can carry both of them, stooge.
But I only wanted to carry the latter.
Then I'll take the rope.
You take the ladder, I'll take the rope.
Okay, I'll take the ladder.
Gak! Let's just get out of here.
When we get back to the time travelling pogo sticks we have somethings we need to do.
Like what?
Well, do you want to fix the navigation or fill out the paperwork?
The former.
You want to deal with the forms? Fine by me, I'll do the navigation.
But I wanted to do the navigation!
Then why did you ask for the forms!?
I asked for the former!
I kno--Oh. I see.

ACE & Stuart: Reloaded

By: Jim Blow

All new Monday at 8/7 central on the podcast:
On The Prowl With Jim Blow

Sunday, January 15, 2017

ace and stuart reborn

Behold! Ace and Stuart is back! It's reloaded with an all new adventure, all new back stories, all new humor, all new badguys. Look for it!


There are so many different kinds of Masks.

We wear masks to protect our identity

We wear masks to hide our feelings


Our presence

We put the Y in Wild

Saturday, September 3, 2016

How Lost Should Have Ended

if it had been written by Jim Blow
*possible Spoilers exist*

The entire series of Lost starts with Jack opening his eyes.
The entire series ends with the team jumping around through time after white flashes, that the show never entirely has them stop.
Well let's be real, the last two season of LOST were a flop on what originated as the greatest show ever made. (why a flop? We can get to my review another day. But basically they had to close on something they hadn't considered. So we got a whole lot all at once. People controlling the island, people who knew about the island, people switching teams left and right, a whole flipping city full of people who have apparently been just chilling here--some of which were on the original plane!--then there was a horrible explanation to the black smoke, and so on.) So here's where my idea comes into play.

One last white flash, and we see Jack open his eyes, he goes tearing through the jungle, and when he comes out of the trees, he sees the plane crash. We end the series back where we started.

Monday, August 8, 2016

Academy of Heroes 10

Legend has it, there's a school for the truly gifted. For those who want to be heroes.
But a scale has two sides. And where there's good, there must be evil.
Legend has it, there's a school for the truly gifted. For those who want to be villains.

The heroes-in-training were called Eldritch
And the villains-to-be, Obviators


Flynn walked innocently down the street. He took a deep breath of the fresh morning air. Everything was still around him. Pulling the straps of his backpack tighter over his broad shoulders, Flynn couldn't help but take another breath. The trees lining his walkway rustled slightly in the breeze, and the flowers surrounding the trees' trunks seemed to grow before Flynn's eyes, feasting on the warm sunlight that seeped through the over-hanging tree branches to grasp hold of the Easter-colored petals. Flynn looked down at the green, green grass that covered the ground from one part of land to the next. It was soft, neatly trimmed, and as comfortable as a well-feathered pillow. The scene almost looked animated in how majestic and calm everything was. A cheery bicyclist nodded to Flynn as he passed. Flynn stopped a moment, bending so his face was close to the ground. He examined the small stem of what was to become a brilliant yellow tulip. There was so much potential in yet this tiny bud. At first glance, the plant may have seemed as a thorn among roses, but Flynn's key eye understood that this wasn't a thorn in the roses, but a future sight to behold. The morning sun poured downward upon Flynn's back. In his t-shirt, shorts, and sandals, Flynn wasn't hot beneath the sun's gaze, but rather he felt lifted. Rising again to his full height at nearly six feet, Flynn thought there had never been a morning as peaceful or beautiful as this one. But whether that was so or not, Flynn wasn't enjoying himself like he was before. The fragrance of the day was dampened, somehow. The hope instilled in the sprouting tulip was diminished. Nothing here held the effects they once had. Everything was grayer, and less impressive. Sighing, Flynn walked across the fresh grass, stepping on the tulip as he went. None of it really mattered anymore. He'd killed the heroes and the villains of the story.
Little did Flynn know, the morning was fleeting, and soon the scene that had brought him joy and comfort would strip his mind of anything but remorse and discomfort. For as Flynn took another deep breath of spring air, a black car rumbled down the street toward him. There were three men in this car, and they weren't enjoying the morning like Flynn was. In fact, they were armed. These men were about to wreck the wonderful day for Flynn--and they'd step on the small, sprouting tulip that Flynn had foreseen an instilled hope wherewith.
Yes, little did Flynn know that Obviators were in their recruiting season.
Not all of them had been killed, and now they wanted Flynn to join them because he was a hero. He'd defeated all of the villains, and they wanted him to join them. Besides, the villains would rise again someday.
For now, all was well.

Monday, August 1, 2016

Academy of Heroes 9

Legend has it, there's a school for the truly gifted. For those who want to be heroes.
But a scale has two sides. And where there's good, there must be evil.
Legend has it, there's a school for the truly gifted. For those who want to be villains.

The heroes-in-training were called Eldritch
And the villains-to-be, Obviators


Flynn tore out of the Overseer's office. He made his way down to the plane hanger. A stack of boxes sat against a wall where they'd been unloaded to. Tears streaming from his face, Flynn tore the lid off one of the boxes. Inside was several packages of neatly packed explosives. Flynn pulled several of them out. He ran about the Eldritch base, throwing the bombs everywhere he could. He'd bring the Academy down on top of itself. As the base blew to pieces behind him, Flynn jumped in one of the Eldritch aircrafts.
Taking off away from the exploding base, Flynn couldn't help but think back.
Everything had happened so fast. He hadn't understood any of it. The goodguys were the badguys who destroyed the badguys who were actually goodguys, and the whole world thought the badguys were the goodguys when actually it was the other way around, and the goodguys were actually the badguys. Perhaps the badguys had done some good things, but the goodguys had done some bad, too. And the goodguys who were actually badguys did both good and bad things. However, the badguys who were actually goodguys also did both good and bad things.
So who was who?
What was what?
Flynn rubbed his sleeve against his face, mopping up his confused tears. The Eldritch and Obviators were both gone, and nobody would ever know. There were no Villains anymore, but that meant there were no Heroes anymore, either. Flynn had helped the wrong team to win. But things weren't righted now.
Now there wasn't a society of good-doing Heroes.