Monday, January 16, 2017

Latter Ladders

All right Stuart, do you want the ladder or the rope?
I'll have the latter, Ace.
Here's the ladder.
No, I want the latter of the two.
What? I gave you the ladder of the two. I'll carry the rope.
Well I want the rope!
Then why did you ask for the ladder?
I didn't! I asked for the latter.
No, you just asked for the rope!
Because the rope is the latter!
No, the ladder is the ladder!
What are you talking about Master Ace!?
Listen, it's very simple Stuart. This here's a ladder and this is the rope.
Okay, got it.
So do you want the ladder or the rope?
I'll have the latter.
All right, then. Here's the ladder.
But I wanted the rope!
Then why'd you ask for the ladder?
I didn't, I asked for the latter!
That's what I said!
No, you said ladder!
That's right. Now then, position the ladder right there.
Why I oughta--
Good. Now we'll each climb up.
Do you want to climb the ladder or the rope, Stuart?
I'll climb the latter.
Very well then, I'll climb the rope.
What are you doing that for! I said I wanted to climb the rope!
No, you said you wanted to climb the ladder!
Exactly. So I'm going to climb the rope.
No, I am!
Fine, you climb the rope and I'll climb the ladder.
All right, do you want to pack the ladder out of here, or the rope?
I'll carry the latter.
You sure? It's heavier.
What are you talking about? The latter's way lighter than the ladder.
What? the ladder weighs the exact same as the ladder!
Hey, what are you talking about?
Ugh. Ok, do you want the ladder or the rope? We need to get out of here.
I'll take the latter.
Are you sure? It weighs more.
No, the rope weighs less.
That's what I'm saying.
Gak! Master Ace. I'll take the rope.
Thought you wanted the ladder.
I do want the latter, that's why I'm taking the rope.
If you want the ladder then take the ladder.
But I don't want the ladder.
Then why do you keep asking for it!?
I don't! I keep asking you to hand the rope.
Well here's the rope.
Thank you. Was it that hard to give me the latter?
Now wait a minute, I didn't give you the ladder.
Yes you did, I'm holding it right here!
That's the rope.
I know!
All right, are you happy with the rope?
Yes. I asked for the latter and I got the latter didn't I? Why wouldn't I be happy?
Because that's the rope! You asked for the ladder and got the rope!
But I didn't want the ladder, I wanted the rope.
Okay, well you have the rope.
Yes I do.
Then what'd you go asking for the ladder for?
I never asked for the ladder, I asked for the rope.
What do you mean you never asked for the ladder? You asked for it a million times!
No, I asked for the latter--
That's what I'm saying!
And I got the latter.
That's the rope!!
I know this is the rope!
Then why did you ever call it a ladder?
I never called the rope a ladder! That would be stupid.
I know! But you keep doing it anyway.
Keep doing what?
Asking for the ladder.
Of course I keep asking for the latter! I want the rope don't I?
If you want the rope, then why do you ask for the ladder?
Because the latter is the rope! I keep trying to tell ya.
The ladder is not the rope! I keep trying to tell ya!
I know the ladder isn't the rope! That's why I asked for the latter instead of the ladder!
Why on earth would you want a ladder instead of a ladder!?
I don't want the ladder instead of the ladder, I want the rope instead of the ladder!
Then why keep asking me to give you the ladder?
I didn't, I asked for the rope.
Gak! Nevermind. You can carry both of them, stooge.
But I only wanted to carry the latter.
Then I'll take the rope.
You take the ladder, I'll take the rope.
Okay, I'll take the ladder.
Gak! Let's just get out of here.
When we get back to the time travelling pogo sticks we have somethings we need to do.
Like what?
Well, do you want to fix the navigation or fill out the paperwork?
The former.
You want to deal with the forms? Fine by me, I'll do the navigation.
But I wanted to do the navigation!
Then why did you ask for the forms!?
I asked for the former!
I kno--Oh. I see.

ACE & Stuart: Reloaded

By: Jim Blow

All new Monday at 8/7 central on the podcast:
On The Prowl With Jim Blow

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