Sunday, March 22, 2015

Ace & Stuart: Adventure Five: Quest to Solve A Murder

Author's Note: This is one day late. We apologize. Reason? Flippy the elf is to blame. Not that we authors cast blame...
Flippy was up all night running around my house with a screwdriver. He continually sunk the tool into my favorite pillows all over the house. Finally I stopped him by throwing a laptop at him. Thus I had to buy a new laptop, and wasn't able to post on Saturday.
(in sorry there are three r's on purpose)
--Jim Blow

Adventure Five: Quest to Solve A Murder

“Master Ace?”
“I assume you want to know why we’re boarding this ship, Stuart?”
“Yeah. That’s exactly what I want to know.”
“Well, I figured as much. Does it really matter?”
“Dang. I must be becoming predictable.”
“Oh dear. It’s all right!”
“Stuart, don’t question me. Just because I know you’re always going to ask what’s going on, doesn’t mean you’re predictable.”
“Gee, that means a lot.”
“Besides, you aren’t predictable at all. Have you seen your pockets lately?”
“Wow. I guess that’s unique.”
“And certainly unpredictable.”
“Still, why are we boarding this boat?”
“We need to travel across the seas.”
“Gak! It doesn’t matter.”
“Sorry. I just want to know what’s happening. We have all the ingredients, don’t we?”
“Of course. Now we need to actually go and cook the cake. I’m starving!”
“How do we cook cake?”
“There’s no better place than a volcano!”
“Wow! We’re really going to cook cake in a volcano?”
“But you said--”
“We’re travelling by boat to a very special place.”
“And where’s that?”
“My mother’s house: Finest bakery in all the world.”
“I think that’s a matter of opinion, Master Ace.”
“Perhaps. But if anyone can cook this cake to what it needs to be, it’s her.”
“Okay. That’s fine with me.”
“I’m so glad you approve. Not. Now bring our luggage.”
“Do you want the luggage in the closet?”
“Fine, fine. It’s nearly dark. Get ready for bed.”
“I call top bunk!”
“Don’t be so childish. Besides, I get top bunk.”
“But Master Ace, I called it!”
“You are my stooge! Don’t forget that.”
“Sorry. I didn’t really want the top bunk anyway...”
“Then it’s settled. I’m going to bed.”
“So am I.”
“Think again Stuart.”
“I’m not going to bed?”
“Of course not. You’re going to go get me a glass of water.”
“Okay, Master Ace.”
“So long Stuart. Hurry back. I’m thirsty.”
“So long. Gee! It’s pretty cold out here. Hey! Who goes there? Master Ace, help!”
“Stuart? Why’d you come back in here. I sent you to get me water.”
“I was. I mean I did. Well, then I...and it was awful!”
“I have no idea what you’re blabbering on about!”
“Help, Master Ace!”
“With what Stuart? Calm down. What happened?”
“You told me to get water,”
“Which you didn’t.”
“And I went outside.”
“Then what?”
“Something awful. There were these men. They were fighting.”
“Okay. Their fighting scared you? Is that why you’re here?”
“No, no, no! One of them stabbed the other! I swear it Master Ace!”
“Hold on! Stabbed? A murder on the ship? That’s dreadful!”
“I know! Please, Master Ace! We have to help.”
“That’s obvious. We must investigate.”
“Should I tell the captain?”
“No, no. We have no idea who is in on this. This takes priority!”
“Priority over what?”
“The quest for cake must be put on hold. We need to solve this mystery!”
“A real life mystery? On board the ship! Just like Sherlock Holmes.”
“Good idea. You can be Stuart Watson Stooge.”
“And you’ll be Master Master Sherlock Ace.”
“Just Master Ace. Now lets investigate!”
“Here’s where it happened Master Ace.”
“And you’re positive of what you saw last night?”
“Definitely. Down to the ketchup I remember every detail!”
“Ketchup? What are you talking about Stuart?”
“The ketchup on the ground right there. It fell from the killer’s pocket.”
“Say what? Interesting. There really is ketchup here on the dock.”
“Just how I saw it.”
“Our first clue!”
“Yay! Now what?”
“We try to decide who would be holding ketchup.”
“Somebody who works in the kitchens might.”
“That would explain how they got a knife too! To the kitchen!”
“To the kitchen! After you Master Ace!”
“Of course it’s after me!”
“Eww! The kitchen smells bad.”
“Plug your nose.”
“No need.”
“What? The smell not affecting you anymore?”
“No, I just found this gas mask in my pocket.”
“Naturally. Now look around.”
“What are we looking for?”
“I don’t know. The murder weapon, the murderer, other clues.”
“How about the body?”
“Yes, that too.”
“Out of curiosity, why do you ask?”
“Nothing. There was just this man sleeping in the fridge over there.”
“Show me! Stuart, that man is dead!”
“Eek! Call the police!”
“Keep your voice down! Help me investigate the body.”
“Brrr! It’s cold in here, Master Ace!”
“It is a bit chilly. Hey! Don’t close the fridge door!”
“Master Ace! Somebody just locked us in here!”
“Blast! The murderer knows we’re onto them.”
“We’re going to freeze to death!”
“Nobody is going to die,”
“Except that man!”
“Give me a boost Stuart!”
“Okay. Is that high enough?”
“Great! I’ve almost removed this panel!”
“I can’t feel my toes, Master Ace!”
“Stop whining. There! I got the panel.”
“Help! Master Ace!”
“What? The body is moving!? How is that possible? It’s dead!”
“It has my ankle!”
“For crying out loud. Grab my hand.”
“Whew! Thanks.”
“I’m going to boost you out through the panel.”
“Where’d you learn to count?”
“Nevermind. Crawl down the shaft you’re in, and open up this fridge!”
“Aye Aye!”
“As for you, victim. We’re going to get you warm. Then you and I are going to have a talk.”
“Master Ace! The door is open!”
“Great, Stuart! Now help me carry this poor victim to our room!”
“Wow. Bodies are kinda heavy.”
“Certainly doesn’t help that he’s almost completely iced over!”
“Where should we set him?”
“Right over there.”
“On my bed!?”
“There. Now fetch something to unfreeze him with.”
“Will this do?”
“A flamethrower? Of course not! We want to unfreeze him, not kill him!”
“How about this?”
“A blow drier? That’ll work.”
“It was in my pocket.”
“Go grab a blanket from the closet, too.”
“Right away, Sir!”
“Hurry up!”
“Here you go, Master Ace!”
“Don’t give it to me. You’re going to unfreeze the man while I sit here and watch.”
“This may take a while.”
“We have time.”
“There, I’m finished!”
“You said it was going to take a while!”
“This was a blow drier 900.”
“That doesn’t even make sense. Whatever.”
“What now Sherlock?”
“You go sit in the corner while I talk to him.”
“Why do I have to sit in the corner?”
“Because you called my Sherlock, and because I say so!”
“Okay. Bye!”
“Sorry about him. My name is Master Ace.”
“Nice to meet you.”
“What’s your name?”
“Phillip O’dale.”
“What were you doing in that freezer Mr. Odale?”
“I was stabbed last night.”
“Terribly sorry about that. How--”
“Before you continue, I have one question.”
“What can I do for you?”
“How did you find me?”
“Stuart over there saw you get stabbed last night.”
“I see. That kinda makes things clearer for me.”
“Good. I see you have healed up nicely since that happened.”
“The wound froze.”
“Wow. That’s pretty lucky.”
“With all due respect, this isn’t a very good investigation.”
“What? Why not?”
“This is a bad interrogation.”
“Oh give me a break! I’m a first timer.”
“That explains a lot. Any further questions?”
“Who did it?”
“I’m afraid I can’t tell you that.”
“What why not?”
“Goodbye Mister Ace.”
“Stuart! Come here. Hurry up!”
“Where’d that man go?”
“Our victim refuses to talk. Once again, we’re on our own.”
“Darn! What do we do now?”
“Back to the kitchen!”
“Back to the kitchen!”
“Must you copy me every time I claim we’re off to the kitchen?”
“Sorry. Lets go.”
“What is it?”
“I hear voices in the kitchen.”
“Master Ace! I hear them too.”
“Sounds like arguing.”
“I recognize those voices!”
“You do? Where from?”
“Last night! That’s them arguing again!”
“I’m going to risk peeking through the window.”
“Good luck.”
“You’re right, Stuart. That’s definitely the victim. I can’t get a good look at the other man.”
“He’s definitely the murderer.”
“Are you ready?”
“For what?”
“On three I’m going to open this door, and we’re going to tackle both of them!”
“Now, now, now!”
“I gotcha! Hello again Mr. O’dale!”
“And I have this other guy! I want you to tie up Mr. O’dale so he can’t run off again.”
“Okay. I’ll use this rope from my pocket.”
“Good work. Now as for my captive.”
“He’s wearing a mask!”
“Obviously. Now tie him up too!”
“There we go! Two tied up people.”
“Stuart, are you ready to solve this crime?”
“Is it over? Seriously? It just started!”
“That did end rather quickly. I must be an amazing detective!”
“Only explanation, I’m sure.”
“Now to find out who our murderer is!”
“He isn’t a murderer.”
“What do you mean he isn’t?”
“The man he tried to kill isn’t dead. That just makes him--”
“An attempted murderer!”
“Right. That’s what I was going to say.”
“What? Are you pouting about being predictable again?”
“Maybe. So what if I am?”
“Nevermind. Pull off the murderer’s mask.”
“Ta-da! Behold the bad guy!”
“It’s who?”
“That’s just the problem, Stuart. I have no idea who this guy is!”
“Neither do I.”
“Blast! I really hoped the murderer would be someone I knew.”
“Someone like?”
“I don’t know! A character from one of our past adventures or something.”
“Oh. I suppose that would’ve been cool.”
“Nevermind. Get the captain. This thing is over.”
“I have an idea!”
“What is it? Another idea about the book you’re supposed to be writing.”
“Yes, actually.”
“Lets have it.”
“I can call this adventure: Quest to find the killer who wasn’t actually a killer, but this attempted killer we didn’t know!”
“How about just, Quest to Solve a Murder? Or something.”

“Are you sure? I think my title is catchy.”

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